


The Story of a Dead Soviet

by loverussia



Category: Original Work
Genre: Author/Kevin Hilderley is platonic relationship, Gender Dysphoria, Misgendering, Other, Past Child Abuse, Real Life, Self-Harm, Sheltered Life, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, The Major Character Death is just in case, Trans Male Character, family rejection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-19 21:07:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10648077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loverussia/pseuds/loverussia
Summary: The author's life over several chapters.





	1. Coming Out

**Author's Note:**

> A brief description of each character:
> 
> Dmitri: The main character. Transgender boy rejected by his family, finds peace with his girlfriend and his friend Mr. Hilderley. This character is the author.
> 
> Micheline: The ex-girlfriend of Dmitri.
> 
> Kevin Hilderley: Dmitri's grade 12 biology teacher. Dmitri finds a friend in him.

Chapter 1: The coming out

 

"Mom, Dad, I'm transgender." Those words would be the undoing of me as I knew it. Dad wouldn't say anything to me, and when I got home from school that day my mom said to be myself, but how could I be myself when my mom says I'm a girl? 

That was just over a year ago and it is like that to this day. Things changed once I began grade 12.


	2. Mr. Hilderley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dmitri meets Mr. Hilderley for the first time.

_First day of school_

I had had a bad experience with my grade 11 biology class so I thought it would be the same this time.

Luckily, my at the time best friend, Micheline, had the same biology teacher, Mr. Hilderley, for her homeroom. She had also had him for grade 9 science, so she knew him better than I did. She said he was nice.

That would turn out to be the only class where I was respected.

I entered my biology class, room 232, expecting the same as last year. Boy, was I in for a surprise!

Mr. Hilderley was friendly, kind-hearted, and patient. From the first day, I knew things would be better there.

I sent my teachers an email letting them know that I was transgender that night. 

Mr. Hilderley, Micheline, and my biology classmates were the only people who supported me.


	3. A Friendship is Born

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dmitri strikes up a friendship with his biology teacher.

Mr. Hilderley is a teacher that the majority of students hate, so naturally several of the students in my biology class dropped the course. By the end of the semester, there was only 16 students, including me, left in the class. 

A few days before winter break I was the only student present in my biology class. That didn't surprise me at all.

We have so much in common. As a teenager, he loved biochemistry, and I love chemistry. His classmates and siblings considered him a nerd, and I'm a nerd. To this day, we are still good friends.

One moment I will always remember was when Mr. Hilderley found out, from me, that the other students disliked him. We had a theory that the students who dropped the course found the biochemistry was too hard for them. As I was heading out the classroom door, I heard him say, "I guess I'll be crying myself to sleep tonight, everyone hates me." 

I paused for a minute, thinking, "What have I done?"

After that day, Mr. Hilderley knew I had his back and I knew I could trust him.

 


	4. Болен Тобой

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going a bit back in my life, when I was a child and in my adolescence. I will be referencing past experiences of physical and verbal/emotional child abuse, so I am warning you now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of the chapter, Болен Тобой, is a reference to a song of the same name by Dima Bilan.

_An aluminum pole._

_A wooden spoon._

_A tablespoon._

_The floor._

These were all things I was beat with as a child. One time I remember, teachers at school found out and when I got home later that day a social worker was at my house. My dad was angry, outraged, and said that if they ever came back he could do much worse. Nobody else ever found out.

One time, I had to stay home from school after my dad threw me to the floor and a cut, swelling bottom lip was the result. My mom did that so nobody knew.

This will always affect me, and in some cases I am still afraid to say or do the wrong thing around my parents.


	5. I am Rina Palenkova

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dmitri attempts suicide.

__

_ Mom, Dad, and Freida,  _

_ If you're reading this, I am most likely dead and gone. Many people say suicide is not an option, but to me it was a way out of this thing we call life. I love you all, yes even the dumbass I am proud to call my sister. I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you through this. Goodbye.  _

_ With love, _

_  
Mable (Dmitri) _

 

That was my suicide note to my parents.

April 28, 2017 was a hard day which followed many others before it. As I am writing this, I obviously am alive. But that night, I intended to die. 

The day before, on my Facebook page, I had sorted various friends into categories: those I didn't like, those I believed deserved an afterlife with me and Rina Palenkova, and other lists like that.

The night of April 28, I prepared myself by putting a plastic bag over my head and held it so no oxygen could reach me. I had done this before, so I knew what to expect. If I held the bag long enough, I could pass out for a few minutes in the past. What I didn't expect was to survive.

One day not long after, my mother got a call from my school. The vice principal had somehow found out about my suicide attempt. When I got home, my mother said, "Mable, I have two dead parents. I don't want to lose you."

I ran out of the house crying.


	6. An Update

Hey, loverussia here.

I'm back, after several hospitalizations for suicide attempts.

A quick update: I have moved out of my parents house, Micheline is no longer my girlfriend, and I came back, so I will be continuing this story.


	7. Becoming One With Rina Palenkova

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place in June 2017, around Father's Day 2017.

I had had enough shit happen for weeks in June 2017. I had nearly been kicked out of school because they "didn't have the resources to deal with my mental health". Which they didn't even have the guts to tell me to my face.

Micheline broke up with me after I accidentally touched a mutual friend sexually (her breasts. I was trying to give her a friendly hug.). And after that, I was called by the police who told me I couldn't be around her because it was considered rape. I had been bullied (for being Russian) over the course of my whole Grade 12 year. I just couldn't take it anymore.

The night before Father's Day (bad timing. I only found out this fact after I got to the hospital) I wrote a suicide note on Facebook. I took it down after my unsuccessful attempt, but this is what I remember saying:

_My girlfriend just broke up with me and I lost my best friend. I have lost the only supports in my life. I self-harm, I want to commit suicide, and be free like Rina Palenkova._

One of my Facebook friends told her mom, who is the school counselor. She called the police on me and they came to my parents house. I had a handful and some of pills in the pocket of my hoodie. This is when the "Blue Whale" groups were heard of by my parents. They brought me to the hospital. I stayed in the psychiatric ward for children for two weeks.

 


End file.
